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Woman Who Lied About Getting Married Embarrassed By Man Who Does Bird Calls

Phoenix, Ariz.-Recent reports indicate that a woman who lied to her family about getting married is embarrassed by a man who does bird calls.

Eliza Jane Wilder, older sister of Almanzo Wilder and Laura Ingalls Wilder’s sister-in-law, lied approximately just one year ago about getting married to Harve Miller. While her intentions were arguably good, friends and family have admitted that the behavior is “totally unchained.”

“I was really worried about Eliza Jane for a little bit there,” Laura informs us. “I mean, the behavior was just so unreasonable and silly. However, I prefer to think of it as a nice gesture because what would it say about Manly and me that we had to be manipulated by this fake scenario just to get married? Anyway, I thought it would be impossible for her to live it down, but not only is she here with me in Arizona this summer just acting like it totally didn’t happen, but she’s embarrassed by Mort’s bird calls. I want to ask her just who she thinks she is to be embarrassed in the face of such talent, especially given her own recent past.”

It seems that on a recent evening out, Laura, Eliza Jane, new acquaintance and bird call extraordinaire Mort, and their literature professor were out at a restaurant when the incident occurred.

“We were having a great time, and Mort is so nice,” Laura relates. “Mort is so funny, and he has been just from the minute he started hitting on me on the train ride out here. He made that little quip about the steam engine and wanting to slow down progress and I just thought to myself that this was a really great guy who resists change. Totally charming.”

While Laura found Mort’s steam engine commentary charming, Eliza Jane is reported to have retorted with a short-tempered quip.

“I thought Eliza Jane was being a bit rude, honestly,” Laura continues. “Mort was just being friendly and here she was acting like he was a fool. You know what’s foolish, Eliza Jane? Being a grown woman who lies to her family about getting married.”

Encouraged by Laura’s friendliness, Mort let his personality shine through and performed several bird calls. Despite possessing “immense talent,” as Laura notes, Eliza Jane bowed her head in extreme distaste and embarrassment.

According to Laura, “it’s times like these that I really want to tell Eliza Jane to take a good look at herself. Here is a man who is very talented making bird calls and she can’t even be polite. Meanwhile, she lies about getting married and thinks she can just walk on water after that.”

At press time, Eliza Jane was expressing no qualms about wanting to pursue a married man.