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Charles Ingalls Takes Many Risks But Draws The Line At Elevator Ride

Milwaukee, Wisconsin– Charles Ingalls, a man who is reported to have taken many risks with nary the batting of an eye, refuses to ride an elevator, sources report.

Although the technology is one that is new to Charles and his wife and could possibly provide a little fun to the man who prides himself of having bad experiences in the city, sources report that Charles has willingly taken many risks in the past that should render an elevator ride unnoteworthy at worst and convenient at best.

The same man who worked as a powder monkey and saw his friend blown to bits in that line of work does not trust a cable to bring him and his wife, Caroline, to their room several floors up. Rather than allow himself or his wife the convenience, Charles insisted on taking the stairs and meeting the bellboy upstairs.

Charles, who once worked in an extremely dangerous job transporting nitroglycerine by wagon over uneven terrain, denied his wife the excitement of an opportunity she never gets to enjoy at home. Instead, he treated her to multiple flights of stairs–which he pointed out is more flights than she ever has seen in Walnut Grove–and then met the visibly relaxed bellboy who had been waiting in the hallway for several minutes for the Ingalls’ arrival following his relaxing elevator ride.

Sources recall that Charles has engaged in many other risky behaviors willingly, including becoming trapped during a railroad tunnel blasting mission. While sources concede that putting himself in such danger was for the sake of his family, it is noteworthy that a mere elevator ride–even if just for pleasure–should not cause Charles to bat an eye after having endured such a harrowing experience.

The man who willingly uprooted his family to dig for gold in Dakota territory and then approximately a year later once again uprooted his family to live in Winoka balks at the use of a luxury, citing that it is not trustworthy, “almost as if his gold panning mission had been totally safe, no fires, guns, murders, or anything,” one anonymous source reported.