The Prairie Review

Psycho Carves Initials Into Tree Minutes After Meeting Man

Walnut Grove, Minn.- Laura Wilder’s recent attack of  Brenda Sue Longworth in the streets of Walnut Grove has residents remembering past red flags that the young woman has displayed.

“I remember when she first met Almanzo,” Albert Ingalls recalls, “and she carved their initials together in a heart on a tree on our way home from school. Like, five minutes after meeting him. Who does that? I thought it was a little weird at the time, but looking back, it was a huge red flag.”

The same girl who has pushed Nellie Oleson down a hill in a wheelchair and tackled her in a muddy pond has now made yet another female her victim in a fit of jealousy. Brenda Sue Longworth, who most residents seem to remember even though she has not been seen around town much, if at all, before she moved away to pursue a career writing music, flirted with Almanzo Wilder, Laura’s husband of several episodes. Things were already tense at the Wilder home as the new couple adjusted to living with each other and it appears that the tensions at home only primed Laura for another bout of insane behavior.

In light of Laura’s attack on Brenda Sue, The Prairie Review asked Almanzo if he had ever noticed her behaviors previously. “Well,” Almanzo ‘Zaldamo’ Wilder said, “there was that time she put cayenne pepper on the cinnamon chicken. But I mean, who doesn’t want to harm Nellie just a little bit?”

The Prairie Review asked Almanzo if he was aware of the initial carving that occurred mere minutes after Eliza Jane first introduced Laura to him. “Uh, sh-she did?” an obviously uncomfortable Almanzo stammered. “I mean, yeah, of course I knew that. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

At press time, Albert was wondering why Laura was carrying around a knife in her pocket at school.