Report: Whoa, Albert Has Suit?
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports indicate that the town is surprised to learn that Albert Ingalls owns a full-fledged suit.
The boy who recently joined the Ingalls family arrived to the first day of school wearing a suit, much to the surprise of the town.
“Charles Ingalls barely even wears suits, and those girls have had the same Sunday best dresses for years,” Postmistress Mrs. Foster observes. “It just doesn’t add up that this boy that they just acquired would have such a fine suit already, or at all.”
Reverend Alden confirms that he has never seen the boy wear a suit to church. “The typical Ingalls male attire for church is much like what they would wear every day, except cleaner. Throwing on a tie even is a big elevation for the Ingalls male look. Quite frankly, if these men own suits and are not wearing them on Sunday, I’m a little hurt by it.”
Others in town note that it’s a pretty big leap from the streets to such fine wear that the boy made in a relatively short time. Moreover, speculation ensues on the source of the money used to procure the suit.
“Did they use money from that Fagin bull that they sold after he won the fair?” Mr. Oleson wondered aloud. “Still, and I mean it’s none of my business, but it seems like that family could use some other things more than they could use this suit that Albert will hardly ever wear.”
Harriet Oleson disagrees with her husband, however. “Why, that family needs better clothing! They’re running around in tatters! By better clothing, I don’t mean that suit though…it’s too fine a piece of cloth for these plain country folk. Now if Caroline would just listen to my fabric recommendations and realize I’m only trying to help her…tsk tsk tsk…such a shame.”
John Jr. telegraphed to report that he had heard about Albert’s suit, but he’s not surprised. “This is typical Ingalls hypocrisy,” John reports. “We are talking about a family with a father who can’t be bothered to put a suit on when he visits Chicago and a mother who gives her daughter a really outdated dress to wear to a cotillion. Sure, it doesn’t make sense that Albert would have this suit available to wear to school, but it also doesn’t make sense that Charles couldn’t dress up a little now and then. It’s just like that family to have nice clothes but not use them in appropriate situations. Boy, am I glad I got out when I did.”
At press time, newcomer Almanzo Wilder was surprised to learn that the fifteen year old still wearing braids lived in the same house as the boy who wore a suit to school.
