The Prairie Review

Isaiah Edwards’ Life Problems Culminate in Leaving Primate Unattended at Home

Walnut Grove, Minn.-Disturbing reports from the acquaintances of Isaiah Edwards indicate that– in what can only  be described as an act of a deranged individual–the man left a primate unattended at his home while he ran to the post office.

“Mr. Edwards has always had his share of problems,” long time friend Laura Ingalls Wilder tells The Prairie Review. “He’s always been a little out there. There was that time he stapled Carrie to the roof when he was babysitting us, for example. I mean, that’s pretty crazy, although as kids we all thought it was funny. Ma didn’t take to him because of the spitting thing, and I can see her point but I always liked it as a kid–liked it enough that I made the man Rose’s godfather. This monkey business, though…it has me reconsidering some things.”

As far as this paper and the townsfolk have been able to gather, Edwards originated in Tennessee and at some point had been married with a family. Having lost his first family to a fever, the Ingalls family happened upon him in Kansas where he appeared to live the life of a bachelor. Only later did it become apparent that he had lost his first family to disease, but by this time Edwards was given to drink frequently.

“I thought drinking really was Isaiah’s weak point,” old time friend Charles Ingalls tells us. “He would get in trouble with Grace for the drinking here and there, and of course after John Jr. died he just sort of spiraled out of control with it. I thought he was better, but now…Laura wrote me about this orangutan that he left at his house unattended. I mean the man just be mad, you know? What in the world was he thinking?”

In speaking with Doctor Baker, The Prairie Review learned that Edwards is indeed a disturbed individual. “It wasn’t so much the drinking that surprised me about Edwards,” Doc Baker commented. “When a man has gone through what he went through, why, it’s downright common to take up such a vice to try to cover the feelings. I thought he was really making improvements, though, really seemed like he was turning over a new leaf. Now to hear this story, why, it just makes me wonder if the drinking was the problem even to begin with.”

At press time, Laura was researching if leaving an orangutan unattended for a post office run warranted the selection of a new godfather for her daughter.