The Prairie Review

Charles Ingalls Suspected of Injuring Self on Purpose to Have Excuse to go Shirtless

Walnut Grove, Minn.-In the latest occurrence of Charles Ingalls’s injuries, it is suspected by some that the man injures himself on purpose just so he has an excuse to go shirtless.

“I remember the first time Charles injured his ribs,” Doc Baker tells us. “He had just moved to town and fell out of a tree chasing a kite. Well, I of course had to remove his shirt to bandage his ribs. Little did I know that this would become a fairly regular occurrence with the man.”

Doc Baker comments that the most recent injury raised suspicions among the town that Charles just wants to be shirtless. While working at the mill, Jonathan Garvey and his colleague lost control of a large millstone. As the stone rolled downhill toward Charles, rather than running out of the way, Charles merely put the door between himself and the stone. As Doc commented, “I have to admit their theory might hold water. What reasonable human being would think that a door could stop that mill stone? I believe he wants so badly to be shirtless that it may have made him completely irrational.”

When asked for comment, Charles quickly changed the subject. “I’m sorry,” he apologized hastily, “but my wife is getting a job and I just have a lot to process right now.”

Caroline Ingalls seems pleased with developments. “Well, I was very panicked at first, but once I knew Charles would be alright, this really opened a window of opportunity for me. I get to get out of the house and earn some money, then when I come home, Charles is shirtless. It’s really a win-win.”

At press time, Charles commented that his ribs were so tender he thought he might be shirtless for weeks.