Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports confirm that Charles Ingalls, freshly returned to his humble abode after a visit to Milwaukee, had yet another horrible experience while spending time in a city.
Charles and his wife, Caroline, recently went to Milwaukee, where Charles attended a Grange convention while Caroline excitedly prepared for their class reunion. What appeared to be a perfect coincidence of events quickly unraveled into Charles Ingalls having a horrible time. In addition to the predictably bad time to be had at the Grange convention, Charles did not enjoy seeing people from school. His instant dislike of almost everything in the city leaves one wondering why he agreed to go at all. Instantly after arriving and checking into their hotel, Charles robbed Caroline of the joy of riding on an elevator. Shortly thereafter, he gave away an entire bottle of champagne and completed his first night of hating the city by persuading Caroline to leave a party early even though she was clearly having a good time.
“If a simple telephone can cause those sorts of problems for us, why who knows what could go wrong on an elevator.” – Alice Garvey
The Prairie Review sat down with Alice Garvey who confirms that Charles is right to be suspicious of new technology like elevators. “Land sakes, look what happened when we got the telephone! It nearly broke Jonathan and me up,” Alice recalls. “If a simple telephone can cause those sorts of problems for us, why who knows what could go wrong on an elevator.”
Charles acknowledged that the trip was not all bad. “There was a silver lining,” Charles tells us. “That one night when Caroline was so upset about how her old friends had changed, I comforted her by telling her a person could be happy living in a shack with someone they love instead of a mansion with someone they didn’t. Well, I do think that’s basically true, but it also means that I don’t have to make any additions or anything on the house, no matter how many kids we adopt! Oh, and I got to punch Dillon Hyde too.”
At press time, Charles Ingalls confirmed that he was never going to go to the city again until the next time he has to go to the city.