Nels Oleson Finds Nothing Wrong With Offering Extra Fireworks To Child

Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports indicate that Nels Oleson, proprietor of Oleson’s Mercantile, finds nothing objectionable about giving extra fireworks to a child.

Some might find giving fireworks to a child in any amount objectionable, but when Laura Ingalls asked Nels for bottle rockets, he enthusiastically gave her not only what she asked for, but insisted that she take extra.

“Laura is a responsible child,” Nels commented. “She’s so well behaved compared to my children, I figured the fireworks would be safer in her hands than here in this storeroom where Nellie and Willie might get a hold of them.”

Despite having little to no grasp of the intended use of the fireworks, Nels decided to encourage Laura in her unknown endeavor with extra. “Truthfully,” Nels continued, “I was just kind of riding a high that my family was gone at that lake house for the summer. It’s really too bad what they did to poor Kezia, but I can’t help but enjoy the after-effects. I can do anything I want and Harriet isn’t around to say no. Nothing gives a man a feeling of power like giving fireworks to a kid without their wife around to demand that I make the child pay money for them.”

At press time, Nels was wondering if any of the town’s children would like to come to the mercantile for a tobacco tasting event.