The Prairie ReviewTop Picks

Albert’s Morphine Addiction Overshadows Everything Charles Has to Catch Up On

Walnut Grove, Minn.- Residents have recently reported their disappointment that Albert’s morphine addiction totally overshadowed everything else that had happened in the town since Charles Ingalls departed mere months ago.

Since the departure of the Ingalls family, a number of astonishing events have happened that have touched almost every citizen in some way. Remarkably, the town has been able to cope with events and recover even in Charles’ absence, which is especially astonishing considering the key role that the Ingalls patriarch played in repairing nearly everyone’s life.

“I would have loved to tell Charles about all the things that have happened in my life since he left,” Nels Oleson, proprietor of Oleson’s Mercantile, tells us. “There was that time that Harriet harassed Lou for being small and not only did I totally stick up for Lou, but the whole situation got turned around when Nancy fell in that hole and Lou was the only one small enough to rescue her. I think that story tops the time Carrie fell in a mineshaft. And speaking of Nancy, how about that time she ran away and Nellie and I found her ourselves? I guess Charles just doesn’t have time to hear my stories, though, when Albert is so busy punching the daylights out of the school teacher.”

Nels isn’t the only resident who is eager to share his accomplishments with Charles. “So much has happened since Charles left,” Almanzo Wilder shares. “First, there was that time I ran for mayor–something Charles sure as heck never did. I just really want him to know that I am superior to him in some ways, you know? I mean, he helped me build a house and relearn to walk and everything, sure, but I always thought I needed just a little something that I’ve done myself without his help to show him I really am good enough for Beth, especially now that he’s gone. Then there was that time that Isaiah and I were arrested because they thought we were the younger brothers, that time John Carter and I sat elbow to elbow in a huge bathing pool, and that time I totally encouraged Beth to write a book. I guess when Albert is stealing morphine from old men and replacing it with sugar that just steals the show, though.”

It seems that Charles’ old friend Isaiah has gone through a number of things since his friend left that he wished he could have shared as well. “Well, now, let’s see here. I did fall in love with Half Pint’s friend,” Isaiah reports. “I also took in that boy who was used in that there show and had been given morphine. See, Charles, I know a thing or two about morphine. I guess you think you can just leave vomit all over my bed and skip town though, don’t you?”

Even Charles’ daughter Laura expressed her disappointment. “I completely had a role in repairing the relationship between Sarah Carter and her father,” Laura comments. “That is so up Pa’s alley and I thought he would appreciate that he had really passed the torch. I even did it without resorting to farm labor, something even Pa could rarely manage. But no, it’s all about Albert and his drug addiction I guess.”
At press time, Charles expressed his disappointment at the outcome of the one story he did hear. “It’s really a shame that the man that shot his family and killed himself wasn’t reformed before it got to be that bad,” Charles comments. “I would have put him straight to work on the farm and redeemed him entirely.”