Report: Charles Learned Nothing From Blind School Fire

Walnut Grove, Minn.-It has recently become apparent through an act of smoking in bed that Charles Ingalls learned nothing in the recent tragedy that killed his grandson and best friend’s wife.

Caroline Ingalls, wife of the reckless smoker, reported that as early as several weeks after the fire that killed their grandchild, Charles was smoking in their bed.

“I just thought he would have learned a thing or two, you know, put the pieces together,” Caroline commented. “I didn’t come down too hard on him because I was really busy meddling in Laura and Almanzo’s quarrel, but I thought Charles could do anything. Now to find that he can’t learn a simple lesson, well it’s eye opening to say the least.”

The family reportedly dropped some hints hoping that their patriarch would catch on, but to no avail.

“Fire safety?” Charles quipped as he lovingly lit his pipe atop his straw-stuffed mattress, letting the flame lap at the air for several seconds before using it to trace the letters of his name as he took a long initial drag on his pipe. “Sure I care about fire safety. Fires are really dangerous, like the one that just killed my grandson. Still can’t believe it though, that something like a pipe could cause such a tragedy.”

“It’s really sad,” Charles added as he laid back on the mattress and lit another match. “On another topic, is there a better way to end the day than lighting one up in bed? It just really eases you off to sleep.”

At press time, Charles was lighting another pipe in bed while he wondered aloud if Albert had learned his lesson.